The deceptively sweet “Last Man on Earth” plants some fears about your partner for the end of the world.

Track: “Last Man on Earth”
Album: Heretic Pride (2008)

“Last Man on Earth” plays with the idea of the old “I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on Earth” threat. The phrase is too common to have just one origin, but we all get that it represents someone expressing the most severe idea they can imagine. Even if confronted with perpetual solitude, they’d rather have nothing than have you. It’s evocative, but it’s also got a finality to it. How could you argue with that?

In this bonus track from the Amazon version of Heretic Pride, John Darnielle imagines how that would really play out. It’s the apocalypse, with “charred debris” and “thirsting demons,” and there may only be two people left. The imagery suggests a ruined world full of dead former friends and lovers, but “Last Man on Earth” has an overwhelmingly bouncy, happy tune. It’s a mixture of ideas John Darnielle might have crafted as a funny song several decades ago, but in 2008 he combines the two pieces to show us a kind of hopefulness. The narrator is determined to prove himself and to earn this love and to make the best of the worst situation.

The final verse deserves some additional discussion. Through the lines “I may have failed you once before // but this right here this means war” we find out that these two have a history. Below the sweet surface lies the suggestion that this isn’t a great outcome for the recipient of this song. The narrator bleeds and drools and has a “crazed look in his eyes.” They clearly imagine themselves as an action hero saving a helpless figure, but that kind of attitude might just be why this person lost interest in them in the first place.